im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
