Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
