He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize