YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
