On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
