I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
