You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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