i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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