Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
