I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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