so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
