Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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