You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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