finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
