Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
