You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
