dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
