ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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