i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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