after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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