YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
