and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
