Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
