To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
