I think my fart just growled at me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
