I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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