Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
