Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
