too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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