in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
