Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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