nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
