My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
