He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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