I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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