He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
