I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
