Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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