What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
