She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
