I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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