Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sext me about skeletons
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
