i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
