I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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