This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
