Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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