mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
