yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
