I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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