I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So squirting runs in the family.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize