I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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