i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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