we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
