hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
