wakey wakey hands off snakey
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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