I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
