I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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