did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
