I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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