i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
