Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
