Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
