You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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