I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
