saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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