I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
