She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
