omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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