How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
