Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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