So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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