i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
