Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
