How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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