You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
