laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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