sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize