I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
