Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
