whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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